Starting Over

Starting Over | You-Turn

girlRenewed or secondary virginity is when a person decides to stop having sex until they are married. Why choose to start over? Some young adults gave their reasons…

“I didn’t like being used.”

“We were so into sex that we never became friends.”

“Just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean I have to keep on making the same mistakes.”

“I’m going to wait because I have hurt a lot of people as well as myself and I want to change my life for the best, for me and for my future children.”

How to start over…

  • Admit that sex outside of marriage is not what is best for you. Forgive yourself and commit to make a 180-degree turn in this area of your life.
  • Remind yourself of the harmful consequences of sex outside of marriage. (For more info check out the rest of this website!)
  • Discover why you had sex.

Possible reasons

  • Peer-pressure.
  • You believed that the person you were with would break up with you if you said, “No”.
  • You were in rebellion.
  • You were curious. One study reported that 75% of teenagers say that curiosity about what sex is like was a major factor in their premarital sexual behavior.
  • Your self-esteem was too low. When someone has a negative self-image and feels like they have very low worth, the more likely they are to be involved in sexual activity.
  • You were confused about the meaning of love. A number of investigators have revealed that girls, more than boys, report being in love as the main reason for being sexually active. It seems that these girls tend to rationalize their sexual behavior by believing that they were “swept away by love”.
  • Puberty arrived at a young age. In one study, early-maturing boys and girls reported more sexual activity than did late bloomers.

(Adapted from

  • Turn pain into gain. Let pain or disappointment from your sexual experience develop strength, determination and confidence in you.
  • Replace bad habits with good ones. Don’t spend your time thinking about sex and what you can’t do. Get busy with other things.
  • Build a buffer zone around things that tempt you to be sexually active. Read more…
  • Select friends that share your values.
  • Only date people who respect and share your view of abstinence.
  • Be careful with music, TV, movies and magazines.
  • Set physical boundaries for dating. For instance, do not spend extended periods of time together alone with the person you are dating.|
  • If you are dating find creative, expressive, platonic ways to share your love.
  • Find someone you can trust to help you be accountable.
  • Stick to your guns in all circumstances!